does that make me crazy?

Five day weekends are rough. Having to get up for work this morning was criminal.

It was not a great weekend. I haven’t talked about it much, but my Mema has not been doing well, she has been on hospice (at home thankfully) for the last couple of weeks. And we were able to go up and spend Thanksgiving with her but she was mostly sleeping. Yesterday we were warned by the nurse that it would be within the week.

I really don’t know what to do or how to comprehend it. Even though I’ve been mentally preparing for years – ever since she had to have the emergency surgery in 2020 – I never really considered life after.

Everything in the damn world makes me think of her, I can’t take 2 steps in my house without seeing something she gave me, a stuffed animal, a blanket, our freaking washer and dryer. We decided to run errands yesterday and I thought it would take my mind off things but in target walking through the cleaning stuff all I could think of was all the times she and I went to target, her still holding my hand to walk across the parking lot even if I was 30. And started crying in the middle of target. And I’m crying again now. I’ve held off all the emotions off for a few weeks now and it probably wasn’t the best idea because now I constantly feel like I can’t breath.

Ok back after a break.

My goal on this 5 day long holiday weekend was to get the Leia dress to the point of just needing finishings (hems) and decorating (ribbon trim, design on the back). Did I do that? No, not only did I not do that but I’m going to nearly take the entire thing apart again.


Here it is from earlier in the week when I first “finished” putting the sleeves together.

Then decided they were too chunky looking and took them off and took them apart.

One of the original sleeves:

Slimmed-down sleeve:


I took out some of the width in the top of each one so there wasn’t so much fabric up there and it didn’t look so clunky.

I also tacked some more pleats down in between all of this. And did a bit more work on the cincher piece – got the eyelets in so I can at least have it on all the way while trying things on.

And then I decided the sleeve openings were too low. I needed to take up the shoulder seams. Which meant taking a lot of shit apart, but I did it. And when I put it back together and basted the sleeves in again, I got to thinking, why was I so insistent on making this pull off and on over my head? Every time I would take it off, I would pop one of those stitches holding the a pleat in place. Every time. That’s not cool. So I was like, why did I not want to put a zipper in the back? I can’t remember why. I think maybe I was wanting to keep it simple? but it’s not simple, it would be so much easier if I could just put it on by stepping in and zipping it up instead of dislocating my shoulder to try to very carefully pull it off over my head while popping stitches anyway.


Saturday night. She was looking pretty great honestly.

But I wasn’t happy. So tonight I’m going to be cutting out all of the stitches holding the pleats, removing the elastic waist, taking up the seams of the lining (because I left it too big so I could pull it off and on over my head), and then machine-sewing the pleats back in place around the waist (hidden under the cincher), and doing the upper hand-tacks again. And then cutting open the back to put in a zipper.

Or maybe I’ll leave the elastic waist. Fuck I don’t know. I think this project is just a reflection of how fractured my thinking is right now. I feel like I’m going crazy. I guess I should probably just leave the elastic, it probably adds some stability to the waist stitches.

We’ll see what happens in the next week. Or doesn’t happen.

I was supposed to do a white backdrop shoot yesterday. Didn’t happen. On Saturday we decided to postpone it a week and I’m really glad we did. We decided to push it back because my Utena sword wasn’t going to be ready and I really want to shoot with the sword.

Then yesterday turned out to be a shitshow, emotionally speaking, plus I already had a migraine anyway, and crying only makes migraines worse so I was a mess and not in any shape to do a photoshoot. Who knows if I will be next weekend but I hope we can do it as a distraction.

Last week I did go ahead and start planning for the photoshoot though, because obviously thought it was happening. Got everything out and ready for my dapper Leia, Lady jessica, Packing Padme, Utena and then 2 old ones – both Starfires. I decided I really needed to shoot the 2005 Starfire due to the pleather situation – it’s still wearable, but all of the pieces are developing little hairline cracking/shattering that I just know in the next year or two is going to turn into shedding. I’m surprised it hasn’t already. So I figured go ahead and shoot it before it’s unwearable, even if I’m not the same size I was in 2005. So since I was going to be painted orange may as well do comic starfire too.

Which meant getting everything out for those 2 old costumes and checked over. Cartoon Starfire needed some stuff reglued (gems on the bracers, part of the boot cover), and Comic Starfire needed those bra cups removed – I want to shoot it with the chestpiece like it was originally.

But the big thing was the wigs. They were in bad shape,


Like here’s the cartoon wig. What happened here? Was it in a hurricane? After spending a good half hour with a detangling spray and working my fingers through it, I had to give up and give it a conditioner bath.

(I’ve noticed that the old coconut wig-detangling spray I used to use creates a greasy build-up on wigs. It’s why I used to have to wash my old Leia extensions after every like, 2 uses. I haven’t used it in yeeears but it was obvious on these 2 wigs, you could still smell the coconut)


Much better after the conditioner bath. No more greasy coconut build-up and the tangles came out easily. It’s still got a lot of breakage and it’ll never be like-new, but it’s functional.

Comic Starfire is a different Beast all together.


Very deflated. But I really didn’t want to wash this one if I could help it. I recurled and re-teased everything.


It’s much fluffier and doesn’t have the defined curls it used to. But now that i have another week I may go ahead and soak it and then start over again.

Let’s see, what else… got everything decorated…


Only thing missing now is my red and green lights on the mantel. Half of them are out. Chase checked the fuses yesterday and they seem to be ok, one isn’t blown, so he’s going to look at some other reasons it may be out.

Also still need to decorate outside but haven’t had the energy. Supposed to be warmer this week so maybe later this week.

Saturday dad came over and helped Chase install the light in my bathroom!

This is my LOTR themed bathroom and I bought this “log light” for it back in 2020! 2020!! It’s sat in the hallway since then. So glad to finally have it up.

Chase still needs to patch around where the old light was, and then we need to paint the areas covered up by the old light, but it’s so nice, much brighter than the old “contracter special” that was in there.

Also picked out the special guests for the nativity this year.


I need to take a pic where you can see everybody, but it’s Dolores from Westworld, the 10th doctor (and his tardis), Chip and Dale, Gollum, Groot, Snoopy, Edward, Spock and Vinnie Barbarino.

One of these years I’m going to set it up somewhere where I can put all of my Monty Python and the Holy Grail figures with it – they’re too tall for where i usually put it.

Anyway, I guess that’s it for this week.