1. Pizza
I grew up in the “OMG PIZZA” crazy 80s when every kid wanted to eat pizza non-stop because of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I mean seriously, every class party or post-sporting event… pizza. Usually Pizza Hut.
Even then I didn’t care all that much for it but I ate it because it was cool, because the Turtles liked pizza so that meant I needed to like pizza, too.
But then as I got older I realised, I really don’t like this stuff. Really – as a rule I don’t like tomato sauce. It’s why I don’t like most Italian restaurants. And most pizza places DRENCH their pizza in pizza sauce. And if you ask for light sauce – then it usually tastes like cardboard with a little tomato and some tasteless cheese on top. Blah. I just don’t care for it.
Exception: Memphis Freakin Pizza Cafe. You guys this stuff is like crack. All of their pizza is just fantastic, it’s on this thin, crunchy crust and they DONT drench their pizzas in tomato sauce – and it still tastes REALLY GOOD. My fav is their incredible “Ultimate Cheese” – mozzarella, cheddar, and huge chunks of feta all over it. It’s SO GOOD.
2. Ice Cream
I don’t care anything about ice cream. Never have.
Exception: I will usually go get ice cream whenever someone wants. Because to me it’s about going to get ice cream with someone. When I was little, my granddad would put me in the back of his truck – it was the kind of pick-up truck with the cover over it. He’d open the little window between the cab and the back and we’d talk through it, I’d pretend I was in a space ship. We’d drive down the street to Baskin Robbins together and get ice cream. I look back on it now and it was more about going with my grandpa, not about the ice cream. In the same way, when Chase and I started dating, we’d just randomly up and go to Baskin Robbins. We’d be up working on something, or just hanging out, and it’d be like 9 at night and he’d say, “let’s go get ice cream” (he loves ice cream.) There’s something so great about getting in the car in your pajamas, on a warm summer night, going down to the ice cream store with the car windows down. Again, it’s more about the company than the ice cream.
The one kind of ice cream I like is Cold Stone’s “Cake Batter”. (because cake batter in general is awesome) Even then a kid’s size is too much for me, because after a few bites I’m over it.
3. Cookies
95% of cookies are crap.
If it’s not fresh and warm, or at least soft (and not CHEWY) I’m not interested.
Exception: Like I said, fresh baked cookies. As long as they weren’t over cooked. Every once in a while I go through a cookie-phase – I’ll bake two cookies, just enough to where the edges are crispy but the center is still slightly gooey. Perfection.
When I was in high school, we had “break time”. I don’t know if other schools do this – but we’d have 2 classes, break, 3 classes, lunch, 2 classes, go home. Break time was awesome because you could buy a snack. And the snacks were awesome because they were fresh baked cookies. The lunch staff would bake these amazing cookies all morning – HUGE cookies, the size of your face, for 25 cents. When you got in the cafeteria for break, they’d all be laying out on napkins at the lunch line. They were SO good. I wish I could go back in time and get one. I was crazy for those cookies.
Oh and oreos are ok sometimes too. But they gotta be dipped in milk my friends. Any other way is blasphemy.
4. Chocolate
I just have never cared for chocolate. I don’t know why. It leaves a bad after taste in my mouth. Even the nice fancy stuff Chase has tried to get me to eat.
Exception: When it’s with something and not the main attraction. IE – chcolate fondue for dipping stuff in, on top of a donut, on top of cake, with peanut butter in a Reese’s, etc.
But I’ve never CRAVED chocolate. Chocolate could disappear and I’d be fine with it.
Things that are awesome:
1. Cupcakes
dude, cupcakes are awesome. Muddy’s Bakery cupcakes are especially awesome. Ooh, now I want a Capote.
Exception: crappy stale crap cupcakes with hard icing out of a can. Worse if they have clowns on them.
2. Cake
My great-grandmother used to make this yellow cake with layers of homemade chocolate icing in between. It was amazing. And nobody makes cakes like that. I’ve eaten yellow cake for 25 years anytime I see one and nothing tastes like it. I can still taste her yellow cake if I think about it. It makes me sad and happy at the same time, and makes me miss my great-grandmother.
Still, to this day, yellow cake with chocolate icing is my fav.
Exception: same as the cupcake exception.
3. Cheese
Cheese is proof God loves us and wants us to be happy. It’s also why I’m fat.
Exception: There is no exception. Cheese is awesome in all forms. I mean look, it can make anything edible. It makes something good AWESOME. It is truely the #1 food.
Also awesome: Potatoes. Okra. Spaghetti with MEAT sauce not tomato sauce, cheese dip (I guess that falls under cheese but whatev), a lovely steak, pork chops with apples and cinnamon, mashed potatoes and gravy, gravy, apples, waffles, roast beef, fondue, mexican food, sushi
The end