Many people don’t believe what I am about to tell you. They believe it’s a lie, that something like this could never happen.
Well, my friends, I am here to tell you the truth.
It all began during my Christmas break. I went to my grandmother’s house for the few weeks beforehand. My grandmother keeps a small refrigerator upstairs for us kids, stocked with cokes and whatever else we want. My first night there, I settled down with my FF7 game, a few Reese’s sticks, a turkey sandwich, and nice cold coke from my little fridge. I took a nice long drink… and noticed something odd.
I pulled back and looked at the coke carefully. Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong.
It tasted yucky.
I examined the coke, and came up with a hypothesis. To prove it, I went downstairs into the garage, and found a new carton of cokes. I opened them… and my theory was confirmed.
The coke I’d been drinking was old. Months old. Leftover from when we up there summer break. How could I tell?
IT HAD A SMALL MOUTH.
Somewhere in between Summer and Christmas, Coca-Cola’s cans got wider mouths. I began telling everyone who came to my grandmother’s house not to drink the small mouth cokes. At first no one believed me, until my cousin Rachel got a hold of one. Oh, it was terrible!
“Oh, this is terrible!” she said. From that point on, we removed all the small mouths from the fridge and replaced them with new ones. I forgot about my horrible encounter with the Small Mouths and went on with my life.
A few weeks ago, mom came home with a couple of new 12 packs for the week. With dinner that night, I went and got one, sat back down in my room, took a drink…
“OH MY GOD!” I yelled. Yes, it was a Small Mouth! But my mother had just bought those cans! How could they be Small Mouths?! I tried explaining to my parents that this was an old can. They didn’t believe me. They did agree it tasted somewhat off, but told me to drink it anyway. Yeah, right. Drinking a Small Mouth Coke can cause severe health issues.
Finally, my mother looked at the coke cartons and discovered that the cokes were from April 2000. She got all pissed and said if we hadn’t have opened them, she would have taken them back to the store. She and Dad finally believed me after that.
When I had jury duty, I went and got a coke out of the machine. Guess what I got? A Small Mouth. I didn’t drink anything that day.
Ashley didn’t believe me until recently. Small Mouths are nasty.
So, next time you drink a Coke, look closely at the mouth and make sure it’s not a Small Mouth. Otherwise….. you’ll live to regret it.
Believe me.